
[Below you’ll find the first half of an essay of mine called “The Curveball,” which is one of the opening pieces of my forthcoming book The Last Days of Shea, which I hope will be out this spring. If you haven’t read my first book, Mets Fan, I urge you to do so. It’s about my first 45 years as a fan of the New York Mets, and I’ll bet that you’ll find a lot in it with which you can identify. It makes a great holiday present for Mets fans and baseball fans and you can find Amazon and BN links on my site: Mets Fan if you want to order it. If you want to order a signed, inscribed and discounted copy or copies of the book for the holidays, you can order it or these directly from me. Just write me a personal check or money order made out to “Dana Brand” and send it to me, with your address and any inscription instructions, at Dana Brand, 5 Bradley Lane, Sandy Hook, CT 06482. The cost is $25 per copy, which includes shipping and handling. Anyway, here is a sample from my new book. Samples from Mets Fan can be read on the site.]
For all that we enjoyed our home opener in 2007, every Mets fan was haunted by the final pitch of the 2006 season. Adam Wainwright, of the St. Louis Cardinals, had thrown a two-strike curveball to Carlos Beltran. Beltran did not swing. He saw that the pitch was high and he waited for it to pass. He was waiting for the next pitch, the historic pitch, the pennant-bearing pitch. The high curve, already taken, already in the past, approached the plate at the level of Beltran’s eyes. Then it fell. It dropped, like a bomb from a plane. It fell from the sky. The 2006 season was over.
In 2006, the Mets won 97 games and their first division title in 19 years. They swept the Dodgers in the first round of the playoffs. They came into the NLCS as clear favorites. But then there were a couple of inexplicable bullpen collapses and a horrific five-run first third of an inning from a veteran pitcher fighting to save his marriage. The inferior Cardinal team had the superior Mets on the ropes, with two games to play in New York.
Still, I believed. And having seen the sixth game at Shea with my own eyes, having felt the Upper Deck of the stadium bounce as I stood on it with tens of thousands of other screaming people, I thought that the Mets would pull it out. By the time we reached the ninth inning, Endy Chavez’s catch had already saved the game. Ollie Perez also saved us, giving up only one run. I trusted Aaron Heilman because I had every reason to. I felt it in my throat when Yadier Molina of all people hit a two-run home run off Heilman in the top of the ninth. But I still believed that we were in 1986 and not in 1988. The Mets loaded the bases in the ninth with one out, and two fine hitters were ready to come to the plate to give us one of those Mets moments you will remember all your life. Hope was alive until the last fraction of a second, when the curveball dropped and everything suddenly and finally took the form it would always have.
If the 2006 Mets had played a hundred games against the 2006 Cardinals, they would have won sixty or seventy. But they only played seven. And they had lost four. The 2006 NLCS, so close to having been won, would always be lost, just like the 1988 NLCS or the 1973 and 2000 World Series.
Twenty years minus one week before Wainwright’s pitch, the Mets had won their last World Championship. I felt those twenty years, as a presence in the room, as soon as I choked off my remote control on October 19, 2006. I wondered what I would have felt if I had known, at thirty-two, that the Mets would not win a World Championship in the next two decades. Would I waste twenty years hoping for something that would not happen? Let’s say I could talk to the thirty-two year old guy who had seen the ball bounce between Bill Buckner’s legs only two nights before. What would I say to him? What I’d want to tell him, from my current perspective is that hoping and dreaming justify themselves. To hope and dream, you need the idea of success. But you don’t actually need success itself.
But the kid already knew this. I remember that he knew this. He was a Mets fan. And he had already been one for twenty-five years.
As I sat in my living room, at the end of the 2006 season, I asked myself something I ask myself all the time. How could baseball be worth the attention I have given to it for forty-five years? How could it be worth the emotions I have felt for it? Many things in life are worthy of my attention and my emotions. If I felt nothing for my family, if I paid no attention to my career, my health, and my good fortune, my life would be much worse. But what difference would it possibly make if I suddenly decided to ignore baseball?
Look, your life is filled with things you don’t have to pay attention to or care about. Nobody has to listen to music, or look at art, or read a book, or walk in the woods, or care about someone else’s problem, or taste food. You don’t even have to love the people you love. You don’t have to work where you work or live where you live or do what you do. Some things are more important than other things, but everything is optional. Everything is a ride you don’t have to go on. If you wanted to, you could sit and watch everything from a bench. You could listen to the screams from the roller coaster. You could watch the kids get sick from spinning around. Or you can say “to hell with it,” and get on the ride yourself.
Baseball is a ride I get on. It’s like a lot of other things in my life. No sense of triumph justifies it and no sense of loss discredits it. It lifts me up. It drops me down. It is something I do, one of the things I live for. . .